Thanks for visiting my blog on self care ideas for mums.
It’s no secret that you’re supposed to look after yourself, not just your baby, when you’ve become a new mum. Countless parenting books and blogs will tell you to ‘make time for yourself’ and ‘seek help’ when you need it.
But how on earth do you actually do that, when you’ve just had a baby?
If your birth was anything like mine; lengthy and exhausting, you are running on empty the minute your tiny baby starts suckling for milk.
You’re playing a game of catch up, trying to get your body and mind back to a pre-pregnancy state, all the while giving everything you have – body and mind – to this helpless newborn.
A recent study showed that a woman loses self esteem during her pregnancy and this continues six months after giving birth.
Some three years later, self confidence was still lower than their original baseline, the study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found.
Add onto this regular sleep deprivation and a loss of sense of self, in some cases, becomes the norm.
Suddenly, ‘self-love’ and ‘self-care’ in this post-partum period is super hard to achieve.
Self acceptance for new mums
What’s more, many pregnant women and new mums who do not have a diagnosed mental illness experience some symptoms of depression and anxiety as they adapt to their maternal role.
One study by the BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, published in 2017, found there was a huge discrepancy between mothers’ social expectations of what it would be like to have a child, versus the reality, which led to even more issues around self-esteem.
Of course, all the advice points to trying to get as much help as possible.
Visits from midwives and trained professionals after birth help some way, while having a doula or pregnancy support specialist during pregnancy may help you to prepare better for birth and quash some of the anxiety.
In this blog, I point to the little things that I wish I had done to better look after myself and my mental health after the birth of my firstborn. If only someone could have pointed me to self care ideas for mums, I might have enjoyed the whole experience better.
This post is not a definitive list of ‘what to do’ and how to help yourself, rather, it’s a list of what NOT to do, based on my experience and what I went through.
Of course I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts. Sometimes I think it’s real stories, and real anecdotes that help the most, rather than reading in a book what to expect.
So here’s my list of ‘don’t’s. Above all be kind to yourself…
But DON’T:
1. BLAME YOURSELF
Go easy on yourself.
You’ve just been through a major life change and you have this living, breathing thing that needs you and needs as much of you as you can possibly give.
If there’s one thing a list of self care ideas for mums should have in it, it’s to say that most of things that normally matter, just don’t.
It doesn’t matter if everything else around you stops and takes a back seat. If you don’t manage to change your clothes one day, it doesn’t matter.
Nor does it matter if you haven’t thanked everybody for all the baby gifts yet.
Realise that it doesn’t matter if you haven’t got the energy to tidy up like you normally would.
All that stuff can wait.
2. UNDERESTIMATE HOW HARD THIS IS
Before I became a mother, I massively underestimated how hard it would all be. I was so in denial I think I thought I’d actually be bored as a new mum, at home all day on my own with a sleeping baby.
Boy was I wrong!
I was lucky to have support around me; a great husband who cooked me healthy dinners and looked after me; a great mum who carried my baby when I needed to rest.
I still found the whole thing exhausting and very difficult. It’s a huge life change with no breaks: you can’t just pause the whole thing and watch a film or go for a walk!!
Of course, it’s worth all of the effort 🙂
But as any good guide to self care for new mums will tell you, make sure you surround yourself with anyone who can help do the little things for you; cook dinner, bring you more water, fetch you baby wipes and so on. Or, just be there with you so you don’t feel so lonely.
3. ACCEPT GUILT
This one is about self acceptance for new mums, really.
If you haven’t managed to leave the house that day to go to a baby group or to do the shopping, or just to see the blue sky, like you intended, don’t feel bad about it.
Cut yourself some slack.
It’s so easy to think we should have done something better in hindsight, and for our inner voices to tell us we should have done better. Ignore them.
You’re doing the best you can, keeping a tiny human alive and well. That’s enough.
4. SKIP MEALS
After breastfeeding you can often feel a little bit drained (literally) – so I didn’t just drink water I also ate lots of healthy snacks (and naughty snacks!).
Even in the middle of the night, I’d feast on an oat bar or an energy boost of some kind.
It would stop me getting headaches in the morning and I needed the extra calories to feed my baby. Sometimes it would be tempting not to bother eating a certain meal, like breakfast.
I was exhausted and eating was sometimes the last thing I wanted to do. But I found if I didnt have regular meals at regular times, then my body would hurt: headaches, lack of energy, weak and so on.
When your body is full of fuel, you will find yourself asking less this horrible question, “why do I feel like a failutre as a mum?”.
So eat often and when you’re supposed to!
